and this shall be the new portrait

New leaves... I'd like to turn them over, and turn them about, and throw out some old ones.

Inasmuch, I am going to try to make this the last Daily Musing that is more than 50% complaining.

I have noticed in the past year that I have become more complainarly, more easily frustrated and easy to anger. While I claim responsibility for my relative disposition, I feel that I have been around some environs that have determined my mindset solely because I have been encompassed for 10 hours a day in an unhealthy work world.

While I have learned many things from my boss at my workplace for the past two years, in this position for the past year or so, and only for 3 more days, his insipid nature has turned me shades of unpleasantness that I wish'd to have nary encountered.

For those of you who are unaware, I have quit my job at Box Studios. While I have learned a lot, I have also come in contact with some daily elements that were making me a worse person. Predominantly the figure that I sat next to for the past year and I did not get along too well. I was often times put in unecessarily difficult positions at work with pencils thrown, german curses spewn (often combined with the words "God" and unflattering names of the female anatomy) and middle-fingers elevated high in the air, but hidden behind 3/4 wall so the recipient of such would not see. I am sure that while I saw these middle fingers raised and wagged many times to others, that I have been the recipient of many.

While I sit in a small room, with my left arm only 6 inches away from my boss's right arm, as of late, this particular boss has not spoken with me,  and has decided it best to remain quiet without saying "God bless you" when I sneeze (at least 15 times a day) and refuses to say goodbye when he leaves. These things seem trivial at first, but day after day, when you are quarantined with such childish antics, they add up.

One of the most displeasing side-effects of such lifestyles... is that I think I've been pavlovianly trained to hate apples... or at least the sound of someone biting into an apple. This particular boss did do some things pretty well, like eat healthy foods. Part of his daily routine was to eat apples and large carrotts in multiples. While the carrott chewing was annoying because often times I would find the hilt or keel of the uneaten carrott resting on my jacket from a missed-trash-can-toss, the apple chewing was displeased more. This particular chewer of apples found it necessary to take large, Germanically-unsubtle bites while simutaneously sucking the extraneous juices so as to not drip onto the table.

Now if you are familiar with the works of Ivan Pavlov,  you will know that he came up with the hypothesis of the conditioned response. The most famous of which was training dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by ringing the same bell every time food was presented. Naturally, the dogs salivated at the presence of food, however, later in the experiment the food was removed and only the bell remained, yet the dogs still salivated. This stimuli transfer went down in history and it comes up again in the scenario of these apples.



While I initially had no negative reaction to the sound of apple chewing. Combining that sound with a situational factor I had distaste for (i.e. the unease of my work situation while the apples were being chewed) has given birth to a pavlovian transfer of reactions where  now I have great distaste for apple crunching and lip-smacking.

Point being... this was no way to live for me. I know that I have a disposition to become grumpy, and I need to fight that while I am young so that I can be a positive individual later in life. Inasmuch, I am moving on... and hoping to sustain a much better work environment in the future, as well as have that relative environment positively effect my external-from-work lifestyle and make much more art, and make many more corners of mouths turn up as opposed to down.

And I will make a conscious effort to say "goodbye" and "God bless you" everytime the situation presents itself.

Here comes the optimistic, happier, more-fulfilled TJ

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