and this shall be the new portrait

i think it's time for some discourse. some back and forth if you will... as i need some advice or words of wisdom or at least an outside perspective.

but the thoughts of mine as of recent are such that i think i am ready to give up art making. at least for this stage in my life. i can't go into this into too much detail now, as it is late, i havea christmas presents to wrap, the "G" key on my computer doesn't work so well... and a slew of other reasons... but i needed to bring this up now and bring my ponderances out into the audience of these musings to hear some thoughts.

now... i am not asking for pats on the back, and i don't want people to say... "tj, don't give up" more than likely those of you who read this are my friends.

but i am honestly weighing the pro's and con's of the whole matter.

first and foremost, is the delicate balance between the creation of visual versus audible music. for so long, i have attempted to balance the two arts giving each a portion of my free time. while that free time is a waning element of my daily routine, however, i find that both art endeavors losing valuable time, and thus i am not progressing in either at a rate i hope to. while i think i have always had more important things to say with regards to the visual arts, i have also been more frustrated by the visual arts.

one of these frustrations lie in the fact that i spend hours and hours and dollar bills on making a piece of art, that eventually gets scanned to go on this site, and then thrown into a corner of my room... only to later be damaged by water, or clumsiness. so i basically create something and then watch me slowly destroy it. with that, or at least with the production of multiple pieces of art, i start acquiring a whole lot of physical things in my life that i simply don't have room for right now. i would love to paint 8 foot paintings, but where am i ever going to put them? i just threw out over 30 paintings this past year because they were just taking up space in a basement, and sometimes its just too head-achey to think that all of the work i am making now will sooner or later just be thrown out.

the problem lies in the fact that i love art. i love looking at it, i love thinking about it, i love being involved in it. that is an element that i will never be able to harness, its an appreciation that goes beyond what i can control. but at the same time, all of the great art i see, is only mockery when i compare it to my poor attempts at similar ideas.

with music however, another artform i love, there is much less to be acquired. i could get along just fine with just my six-string and nothing else. the act of creation is the product, and is an element of time and collaboration that vanishes when the act finishes, thus the acquisition of the left-over physical elements of the art aren't necessarily anything unless one wants to record there music, even so... how big is a CD or a tape?

finally, i am frustrated with both artforms. which i think is a good thing... but too much frustration without the necessary growth that comes with focus is not a fruitful thing and only hinders the disposition. so i think the time has come to make a drastic change.

i am thinking to simplify my life by ridding myself of all of the visual arts elements and focussing only on bettering myself at music. thus i solving many problems...however, giving rise to one large problem that is i am not even attempting to assuage a passion that is in me. on the other hand, i am hoping this passion is subdued by the fruition of the passion of music - but i will not know until i take that leap.

what my options seem to be are: be half good at/ fulfilled with two different artforms thus appeasing my desire for both but resultantly strengthening my dissatisfaction, or choosing music over art to focus on, or vice versa. if one had to choose, what would you choose? ideas please....

perhaps these thoughts will be gone in a week or two, but for the time being, i would love some of your thoughts.

ok - i am getting dizzy with the lack of sleep - time to wrap christmas presents and get to rest.

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