and this shall be the new portrait

it is raining today
and i love the rain

as a result
i listenned to lester young wake me up. man that fella can really swing e'er so gently. it is like he that i wish i could most play. always feeling good, but not so bland as to not keep your attention.

and then sigur ros to remind me to enjoy these placid states. those fellas really know how to keep that same enthusiasm and exaltation in music without going the harsh loud route.

don't get me wrong, i love the harsh loud route. naked city was on my line-up of yesterdays music, but this morning, the greyish precipitating sky leaves me in this mellower mood. and i quite enjoy it.

what i want to talk about today is quality of life elements. with regards to my day-to-day routine.... i work as a retoucher, which necessitates hours and hours of work on a single image, to then only have those hours and the relative image judged and critiqued. rarely ever does that critique involve praise, but rather to hone the image to the will of the artist, it focusses on what is wrong with the image and what was done wrong with regards to interpretation and the relative carry-out.

as a result, every day i work hard only to ever be critiqued. and i love critique. i love what it can do. but sometimes, it seems slightly unwarranted when it is not even made clear what the goal is to begin with. its like, i can get to wherever i need to get to... but i wish someone could tell me where they would like to go.

i think i am at the point, where i can do exactly what needs done-gotten. i.e. i have the faculties and know-how to do so. but my problem is, i can never predict what it is that actually needs to be done. or rather - which direction to take an image, and thusly, my skills and abilities are discredited, which is rather taxing on ones soul when its day after day without any success.

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