and this shall be the new portrait

Boy I wish I were still as good at mosey-ing as I used to be. I used to be a great mosey-er, getting to places nice and slowly like a ripe grape rolling on the floor. I even used to have a named walk called my "summer walk" wherein I moved at 1/3 the speed of normal walkers. These days, NYC has left its hustly impression on me and I realize that I move about the streets like I'm on a mission. I hope to somehow make a reminder to curb that because mosey-ing is a great thing methinks. Similarly, I think that being quiet is a past-time for me that whenever I get a chance to experience it I love it. Nowadays, unless I'm on my bike, I've got music or TV or a conversation going. And I do love that, but something about being quiet for an extended period of time is a necessary solace I try and not forget. I get it daily on my bike ride which is nice, and this past summer while I did my 5am walks I also made sure to keep it very quiet, but I hope to remind myself of this often: move slowly and quiet down.

Another thing I might be too swift at, is responding to emails. I see one, and I'm like "SHEESH! I'd better respond right now! Before I forget." But most people seem to give the emails a good day or few of marinating before responding to mine... a much cooler approach I must say, so perhaps I need to mosey more on my emails. Mose-E-Mail.

Speaking of juggling the speed of things and time, I realize that I do not have properly aligned my will to make art, the enthusiasm for that art making, and the energy and alotted time in which that art could be made. That sentence was constructed poorly, but what I really mean to say is. I often times get inspired to make art, but more often than not that inspiration hits when I am not at home to make the art, and by the time I get there it has dwindled. Or if it hasn't dwindled, I am just so tired from the days work/activities to get started on something as meaningful as artistic expression. This is a dilemma.

This past week I was re-reading a Murakami novel (as is becoming a habit of mine) and I read a line where the a perspective was so receptive and quiet that it swore it could hear bread toasting. I can imagine the sound of bread toasting for sure and only wish I was receptive enough to hear it. But there is for sure a certain ebb and flow when I am more receptive to things. For instance there are often works of art, particular audible works (let's say a Brahms symphony) that one day I'll think is just a nice bit of music, but another day will blow me away. This also happens visual artworks, and sometimes it's an emotional thing, and sometimes its a "wow-that-craft-is-unbelievable" type thing. Once though even the red of a sweater made me sad for some reason... creeeepy.

I've also recently been thinking about ties, and how long-distance really makes those ties harder. There's a short story within one of my favorite books EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE. It speaks of the 6th borough of NYC that started drifting away from Manhattan. First it was just an inch or so, but little by little all contact was eventually lost between the people on the drifting 6th borough and the other people of NYC. It's a great little story, but it also relates to sometimes how I feel. Throughout all the stages of my life I've been fortunate enough to find great friends. But after those situations disperse or mold into something different (usually molding into a long-distance scenario) those friendships always feel a small bit of strain. I often times try and reduce that strain by keeping contact with my long distance friends, either with travel or more-often with a phone call. What I've come to realize is, 90% of the time, that attempt and will to hang onto those past relationships only produces attempts on my end. I often times will think of a friend and call them out of the blue just to see how they are doing these days, but I've realized that I've never been on the receiving end of such calls. Or perhaps I have, and my memory is faulty, but if so, it's happened only a handful of times, certainly not to the extent I wish to keep in contact. As much as I pretend it doesn't bother me sometimes and I don't mind being the one reaching out, I am recently starting to think that maybe I have the wrong idea and everyone else who takes a more passive route is more right in this scenario. This is not meant to pass blame, I am more just trying to figure out if it's necessary to hang on to some things or just appreciate that they had their day. The idealic-TJ of course would want to hang onto something as long as possible, rekindling any old fervor periodically so as to keep the relationship above water, but the trend elsewhere seems to be more that of letting a sinking ship sink, and that's a reality that I may or may not be starting to realize.

On a lighter note, have you ever tried to jog on a treadmill while blending fruit drinks and simultaneously painting?
 

Comments

  • pa dutch - 04.15.10
    this guy exudes positivity, endurance and mega-multi-tasking capabilities. what more can you ask for? say it with me...

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