and this shall be the new portrait

this weekend has been a trying one with regard to the arts. i've been attempting to get quality works together for three upcoming art shows... but have been dissatisfied with my output... as well as the stuff i have in my previous works collection. this situation then brings stress as i try and create these new works, and the outcome is not only far inferior than i would've liked, but also leads me to question my overall abilities as a visual creator. the ideas are there... and that part comes easy to me... but the craft is not there. i daily look at these works by manet, degas, de kooning and the like... and i just can't help but compare my poor attempts to their masterpieces. perhaps i need to refocus my artistic endeavors into printmaking where at least the outcomes are close to my intention. i have plans to see if i can find night classes for aquatint and drypoint. i also hope to ask an art forger if i can watch them work to learn about the process of painting. it is so hard to figure out how honore daumier scumbled, or how manet made his lines so fluid with the color.. or how he got those greys in his smokes. or how delacroix made skin so sanguine and beautiful. there's obviously a hidden process that i need to get to the core of before i can make anything of validity in those realms. i also have decided that i like the way henry darger just made artwork for himself. i dont think i'll find what i am looking for with the art world as it is. i don't like galleries and i don't necessarily like showing my art on walls if those walls don't belong to me or my friends. here is where i find publications vital as they can give a handheld sized scope of an artists work without all the hassles of the art world. and this is how i hope to work. this weekend was not fruitful in making a good painting, and i don't know what to do with these upcoming shows - but it was fruitful in reminding me why it is i make art and help directing my future in it. furthermore... i also want to add that a Schaedler (sp?) ruler and a Lupe and a multi-tape dispenser is needed for my drafting table that i am making.

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